Chapter One
The End Is the Beginning
On the day I took twenty-three steps into prison, I did not recognize all the choices that resulted in this consequence. By the time I took twenty-three steps out of prison, my understanding had deepened. Writing this book led me to twenty-three insights about turning negative choices into positive results. I offer my story to help you and me, and to remind you and me, that our prisons are often self-inflicted.
All my efforts and actions had led to this point. What should have been fifteen years of solid success was nothing of the kind. Rather, I was about to be marked with a distinction I would carry for the rest of my life. It was the continuation of a learning process that would have profoundly positive benefits, but I just couldn’t see them right then. At the moment the alarm rang that early October morning, I could think of very little other than what was going to happen in just a few short hours.
I had packed the night before for this journey. What I was allowed to take was meaningless, mostly the clothes on my back. By this time, I really didn’t have anything. The car I normally drove belonged to the company, so I turned it in as I resigned from my job. I had no other choice. I was now unemployed and had no clue what opportunity for employment I would find after I completed the next phase of my life.
My marriage was shot. I had been separated for several years with little hope of reconciliation. I guess there is a time when both parties know that it’s over, even if they don’t say so. Fortunately, my children still loved their daddy. My path was clouded in mystery for me and for my kids. That caused me concern because I didn’t know just how they would deal with it.
I owned no home, and what few possessions I had were meager and without value. Going from wealth to its utter opposite was never something I anticipated. At this stage of life, possessions were of little consequence. For so long in my life, my identity was defined by my career. Now I had no career, and my identity─well, I had no idea.
I recall my last weekend, which was spent with my children, being as normal as possible. I wanted to milk every last moment from that time as possible. To be near them, to touch them, to let them know they were loved was my mission. They knew me as one person, and I was getting ready to be another. They seemed to have a good time during our last weekend together. Even though we had a great time, when I looked into their eyes I could tell they were concerned. They didn’t know what to expect, either, and weren’t even sure what to ask me in order to make them feel better. All I could remember was the love I saw in their eyes as I said goodbye that weekend and the sadness I felt as I drove away.
My best friend in the world was scurrying around that morning, trying to get ready. She was to take me on this new journey and, if there was any day that being late was not an option, today was one of those days. Still, I felt like dragging my feet. Up to this point, for the most part, I had always felt in control, always able to direct my destiny. Willing my fate had seemed natural. Well, I had manifested a destiny, all right, just not the one that I consciously had wanted.
“Are you ready to go?” she asked.
I wanted to answer, “No, but what choice do I have?” Instead, I said, “Sure.” She gave me a hug, one that I wished would have lasted forever, and we proceeded out into the chill of the morning. She drove. I could have—in fact, she offered to let me—but I needed the time to reflect, to enjoy the beauty of my surroundings one last time. Besides, she tended to drive slower, and I was in no rush to get to my destination. Even ten years later, I can remember that morning vividly and how I was thinking, “Slow down!”
We didn’t talk much that morning. Being a garrulous person, I tend to chatter a bit, but not this day. I think I was caught in an emotional abyss. I didn’t know what to feel. Normally confident and focused, that day I was unsure of who I was and what lay ahead. I seemed to have lost my identity, and that feeling was uncomfortable, if not downright scary. Sometimes in life we face life-changing events. This was certainly going to be one. The only question was what kind of outcome lay ahead.
I remember being taught that most folks live in either the past, the present, or are what I call future people. Well, I lived in the future. However, that day was pulling me out of the future—the realm I most liked to live in. I had no future that I could see. As I looked forward, all I saw was darkness. Although I knew intellectually that time brought me to this point and soon time would take me from it, I felt as if time were standing still and nothing lay ahead but darkness. The past had brought me to this point, and the present was uncertain and scary. All of this I had brought on myself. I forced myself to think that perhaps on a higher level there was some benefit. Whatever that might be seemed to be lost in the moment.
The closer we got to my destination, the more my throat tightened and my chest felt heavy. Traveling through the country, I wished the road would go on forever. Passing more and more civilization caused me to know that my time was near. We so take for granted the freedom we enjoy─the freedom to live our lives and make so many choices. It doesn’t even register until we face losing it; then, it becomes precious. I didn’t realize how precious at that point.
As we pulled into the entrance gate, I reached to hand my papers to the man in uniform. With a certain look of disdain, he glanced my way and gave the driver clear and distinct instructions where to go. We pulled away slowly and yet, far too quickly, we arrived at my final destination.
As I opened the passenger door, time seemed to change. Everything was in slow motion, as if to etch this experience in my memory. I took my first steps into this new life. Visions of my family filled my heart and mind. They seemed lost to me. I took more steps with thoughts of my ruined career. Yet more steps, with a strong sense that I literally had nothing.
On the twenty-third step, I extended my hand, opened the door, and took my first step into federal prison. As I walked toward the entrance, I was “Chuck Gallagher”─a person some from my community would have, at one time, called a “somebody!” As I walked through the door, I became 11642.058─a convicted felon─a person most people would call a “nobody.”
We all have many rivers to cross as we journey through life, but this one left me wondering how I would ever find my way back to who I was and who I would become. For me this was bottom—rock bottom. By stripping away, in a very public way, an identity founded on ego, pride, and illusion, I was embarking on a new experience with an uncertain outcome.
That twenty-third step propelling me into federal prison was proof positive to me that there is a consequence for every action.
I would never in my wildest dreams have conceived that in five short years I could so completely destroy my life. As a Tax Principle in a CPA firm in the mid-eighties, I exuded success. I had been published in national tax publications, testified before the United States House Ways and Means Committee on tax legislation, and become an instructor to CPAs in thirty states.
In some ways, the success seemed to come easily. Not that it didn’t require work, but work was not an issue for me. Having been reared poor by most standards, I was taught at an early age that anything worth having was worth working toward. Had I been showered with my desires, I would not have been the person that I became. My rearing taught me the value of work and accomplishment. ,So what I was fortunate to accomplish in my career came with hard work and desire to succeed.
My father died when I was two years old. As a young child being reared by my mother, I vividly recall her telling me, “Son, don’t ever let your circumstances hold you back. You can be ‘somebody!’” I always remembered her words, but I find myself wondering how we ever survived on my mother’s meager income. Somehow we did, and I never recall needing anything of substance. My mother always seemed to be able to manifest what we needed just in time.
My mother’s heart was pure, and her love for me was deep. Little did she know and, certainly, I had no clue that the statement or affirmation she spoke to me would have a profound effect in the future. “You can be somebody!” A powerful statement—but at depth, it implied that I was nobody. Looking back, I have come to understand that all my life I was chasing the illusive “somebody” to become and missed the fact that I was already somebody. Choices and consequences made that clear later in life.
Looking back, I see one thing crystal clear today—what being “somebody” means. One thing that we all seemed to learn in the college of business was the power of leverage. For example, we learned quickly that if you buy the biggest house you can barely afford, two fundamental things should happen: your income will increase and the value of your home should increase. Therefore, as your equity increases, so does your power to use leverage to buy more. Some call this the American dream. I now see it as a potential recipe for disaster.
As a quick learner, I understood the power of leverage to gain greater physical possessions. I also found that successful people wanted to be surrounded by other successful people and that the measure of success is often gauged by surface appearance and possessions. Your dress, your automobile, your home and its location were all measures of success and value. And make no mistake; I wanted to be on that fast track to success.
Not long after the birth of my first child, I received a call from my local banker asking if there was a problem. Their records showed that I was behind in my house payment – not one month, but two! The truth was that I was behind. In fact, I was what some would call overextended and underfunded. In other words, I couldn’t comfortably pay my bills, and what was worse, the financial community was starting to realize that. What a disaster for someone who made his living helping others with their money.
During our lives, we will all be faced with temptation many times. How we respond to temptation determines the measure of a man. I did not respond well. Through a series of choices, I set into motion the outcome that I took twenty-three steps to experience.
I committed fraud. I stole money. I had a need. I had to make the house payment or risk losing favor in the financial community. As a trustee of a client’s trust, I had an opportunity to divert funds without anyone being immediately aware. I could rationalize my action by calling my theft a loan. My response to temptation was theft.
Of course, at the time I didn’t call it theft. On the contrary, by paying back the “loan” with interest, I rationalized that not only was it a loan, but it was a new and valuable source of financing that could further perpetuate the successful illusion I was so carefully creating. I took more.
I lived at that time in what seemed a parallel universe. I was truly making choices that brought about legitimate success. Yet, at the same time I lived this shadow existence, making choices that ultimately brought about my downfall. Every choice generates consequences. The outcomes of the choices we make can be extraordinarily positive or extremely negative. The one fact we must all live by is that we will reap what we sow. The consequences of our choices may not manifest immediately, but we will harvest the outcome of our choices and actions. That twenty-third step propelling me into federal prison was proof positive to me that there is a consequence for every action. My own actions got me there.
This book is not about white collar crime, theft, or lying, and I was guilty of all of them. More important than the crime are the prisons we can find ourselves in, most created by our own actions. The real challenge is how we escape those chains which bind us. How do we move past negative behaviors and create an environment that reflects true success?
When I was forced to admit my crimes, some four years after they began, that started a new and very different chapter in my life─one that I am living today. That chapter didn’t unfold to success immediately. Rather, the process of change was long and arduous. I was blessed with many teachers, most of whom cut me no slack, but all of whom saw more humanity and value in me than I obviously saw in myself.
One of my first teachers was a businessman in my community who gave me my first job after my career as a CPA had been destroyed by my self-inflicted sabotage. To this day I am not sure why he took the risk. On a spiritual level, I believe that everything happens for a reason. He accepted the role of mentor, teacher, and earthly angel. He believed in me when few around me would.
There were no handouts. He cut me no slack. Quite the contrary, this angel was tough. In fact, I’d say he was the toughest person I ever worked with or for. Yet he and two other mentors, along with family help, allowed me to make full restitution to those from whom I stole money. The act of honestly admitting what I had done and accepting the consequences of those actions was critical to making any worthwhile changes. While paying people back was significant, it didn’t change what I had done and the pain I had caused. Those scars are permanent.
Time in prison seemed to move in slow motion, as if to allow me all the time necessary to evaluate my actions, my choices, and my behavior─and learn. If I had to be there, surely there should be an outcome worth the time. While I didn’t know what that outcome would be, one thing I was committed to was remaining open to believing that God’s plan for my life could rise from even this lowly place, if only I were willing to learn, grow, and receive.
The act of honestly admitting what I had done and accepting the consequences of those actions was critical to making any worthwhile changes.
Eleven months after I entered prison, I took twenty-three steps out. Leaving the confines of regular prison to enter a halfway house was a profound first step. The awe of being placed back into mainstream society, even if that meant finishing my sentence in a halfway house, was inspiring. The loss of freedom, the loss of contact, and the isolation that comes from being incarcerated are significant. Those first steps brought a heartfelt joy.
In order to transition to a halfway house, I had to have a job. Because of the seeds I had planted with my former employer, from 1991 onward, I was fortunate to be considered for reemployment. I was given the opportunity to make a living in sales on straight commission. What I did with that opportunity was directly a result of the choices I made.
Each inmate was required to notify the halfway house of the location for every movement made during the day. I was happy to comply. The opportunity to rebuild my life was far too precious. No mistakes or bad choices could be tolerated. My past choices had not served me well, so this new opportunity gave me a chance to change the course of my life.
Within eight months, after taking the same twenty-three steps out of that prison door, I was recognized for the choices I had made and offered the opportunity to take a management role. I had no expectations that this would happen, but accepted with gratitude the opportunity placed before me.
As spiritual beings, whether we like to admit it or not, we create our reality. The multitude of choices made each day following my release from prison created the offer and opportunity I was to receive. The abundance, opportunity, and prosperity continued to multiply. Within three months, following my reentry into management, I was presented with another opportunity –sales management supervising two states.
Never in my wildest dreams could I have predicted that one year from my prison release date, I would be managing a $6 million sales organization. But, a clear pattern was beginning to emerge. Choices made with integrity provided positive consequences. I was living proof of both sides of the choice issue. Choices made without integrity or ethics certainly yielded extraordinary negative consequences. Those choices made from an ethical framework with the foundation of integrity were yielding results far beyond my expectation.
The road to recovery is not easy. Soon after I took my new job in sales, the area I was working in was ravaged by a powerful hurricane. Unless one was selling generators or roofing repair, no one typically wanted to buy a product while focused on rebuilding their lives following a catastrophic event.
Was I a victim of nature’s wrath? How can I expect to succeed when there is devastation all around me? Good questions─just not the right questions. Life is not about luck. It’s about choices! I could have deviated from the path and experienced a less than certain outcome. Or, I could’ve done exactly what I chose and stayed focused on daily making the right choices that would pave a path to eventual recovery and prosperity.
Can we change our lives? Yes! We are given the creative power to manifest our present and our future, just as we have created our past. I wish I had gotten this concept much earlier in life. Perhaps I could have been spared the pain associated with time in prison. We all face our prisons, and they are mostly self-inflicted.
I took twenty-three steps and learned life is not about the prisons we find ourselves in; it’s about breaking the chains that bind us so we can achieve growth, insight, and success beyond measure.